just show up

I just read this post on Facebook...always go the funeral. To this day I remember the people who were at my Dad's funeral. It was one of the worst days of my life and the most life changing at the same time.  I know many people don't want to go but sometimes we gotta do what we don't want to do. Having been on the other side I know how grateful I was for those people who were there for me and my family.

Always Go to the Funeral

by DEIRDRE SULLIVAN

I believe in always going to the funeral. My father taught me that.The first time he said it directly to me, I was 16 and trying to get out of going to calling hours for Miss Emerson, my old fifth grade math teacher. I did not want to go. My father was unequivocal. "Dee," he said, "you're going. Always go to the funeral. Do it for the family."So my dad waited outside while I went in. It was worse than I thought it would be: I was the only kid there. When the condolence line deposited me in front of Miss Emerson's shell-shocked parents, I stammered out, "Sorry about all this," and stalked away. But, for that deeply weird expression of sympathy delivered 20 years ago, Miss Emerson's mother still remembers my name and always says hello with tearing eyes.That was the first time I went un-chaperoned, but my parents had been taking us kids to funerals and calling hours as a matter of course for years. By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. I remember two things from the funeral circuit: bottomless dishes of free mints and my father saying on the ride home, "You can't come in without going out, kids. Always go to the funeral."Sounds simple — when someone dies, get in your car and go to calling hours or the funeral. That, I can do. But I think a personal philosophy of going to funerals means more than that."Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles. In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.In going to funerals, I've come to believe that while I wait to make a grand heroic gesture, I should just stick to the small inconveniences that let me share in life's inevitable, occasional calamity.On a cold April night three years ago, my father died a quiet death from cancer. His funeral was on a Wednesday, middle of the workweek. I had been numb for days when, for some reason, during the funeral, I turned and looked back at the folks in the church. The memory of it still takes my breath away. The most human, powerful and humbling thing I've ever seen was a church at 3:00 on a Wednesday full of inconvenienced people who believe in going to the funeral.

take the trash out

i don't know if it is a by-product of my organizing job or if i have always been like this but i love it when all the garbage cans including recycling and compost have been emptied. weird rich? i absolutely love thursday night because my neighbors bring out their garbage cans on thursday night in anticipation of friday morning pick up. i get giddy knowing i just have to walk out my front door to empty the cans instead of getting out the keys to go downstairs to our trash room. and hold on to your hats, i just recently discovered my neighbors to the left get picked up a day early so their cans go out wednesday night.  woo hoo. two nights of garbage out makes me just thrilled. i also like the idea that my garbage men don't have to work as hard picking up my garbage if i put it in the neighbors cans located on street level. yep, i am an odd duck and i just love that about myself!

check the ego at the door

i met with a woman who i think has emotional and mental health problems. she lives in a studio and has been there for over 20 years. with that studio she has 4 storage spaces that are filled to capacity. unfortunately the apartment building has been sold and she is not sure about her living status. she contacted me for help. at first glance of everything i thought "oh my god, this is just too much". but me being me, i want to help. our first organizing session was a painfully slow process. she got emotional,  upset, distressed and had a mixtures of manic highs and lows. when the session ended i took her items away for donation. as extra free help i also researched movers and potential jobs in sf. now at the end of the session we did not set a follow up appointment. basically what we did was a drop in the bucket and there is so much more to do but i didn't push the issue. yesterday i got a not so happy e-mail from her. she basically ripped into me for a variety of things. of course she ended the email with "i really enjoyed meeting you". so what's my point?
i hate the fact that there is someone out there who is not 100 percent satisfied with the work i did. i know - ego, ego, ego. basically i want every one's stamp of approval.  i gotta let it go and stop trying to make it right. in this situation it aint gonna happen.

here's my lesson for the day -

You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” Abraham Lincoln

sick brain

not much to say. came across this quote...enjoy!

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.
author unknown

sick again

i felt that little twitchy feeling in the back of my throat and thought, please don't be a cold germ. it was. two days later i have the full on head cold. i am seriously annoyed. how can i possibly have another cold? this is flashbacks of growing up in the east coast. i so wish i could just turn over in bed now and go back to sleep. you remember...sick days from school. but i an not a kid and i don't go to school. i'm a big girl with big girl responsibilities. so, i am going to squeeze in a 20 minute nap and then i am off to sonoma for a day of work.
happy monday.

i am a little scared

so in the next 72 hours, i have three huge organizing jobs and a birthday party to throw for my husband. that thought really got me stressing. so i just bit the bullet and looked at my entire month's calendar. yes, it is full every day but i am ok. i visualized in my mind what i have to do and i suddenly feel rather calm. there are a couple jobs that i am a little unsure of but i reminded myself once again that there is no work manual for what i do and i will just do the very best that i can. that is all i can do.
ahhh, i can breath.
have a great weekend.

what smells?

don't you hate it when you notice a bad smell in your house? what is it? where is it coming from? i got that going on right now. i have looked and smelled everywhere...storage room, closets, under the sink. i can't identify what it is or where it is coming from. so that means i have also cleaned out all those places as well. sure they probably could have used a cleaning but still i haven't found the source.
screw it. i am tired. time to take a shower and go to bed. please what ever is stinking up the place, please go away. thank you.