Tuesday, June 18, 2013

i keep looking at her pictures

gabby once told me she hated when people posted on her facebook wall. and now she is gone and it is the only place for people to connect to her. i keep going back to the page over and over thinking i will see something. i don't know what i will see but something.
i did connect a few things. from her photos i connected to her best friend. she shared that Gabby was at her family home when she passed away. from a post i learned that a funeral home was contacted and that the family had a private service. gabby was cremated. they want to have a celebration service at another time. the friend also told me that. she said the family is just in a terrible state of grief and they want to wait until they are ready to celebrate gabby.
i even saw a short 10 second video of her plugging a retreat she went on. i only could watch it two times. seemed strange.
yesterday wherever i went i saw women that resembled gabby. i heard one woman share with her friend that she was on some kind of medication for her anxiety. she didn't like taking it but it helped. i wonder what was gabby feeling.
i wonder if i could have done more. i don't think so. i imagine everyone asks themselves that. i think gabby and i had a pretty good supportive friendship.
5 days ago she was alive. all of this makes no sense to me and i think perhaps it never will.

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