last day

last day of the year. i went back and forth on how to make a big act of kindness today. and then this person who really needed my help appeared in front of me. while so many of us tourists walked the beaches of santa monica and took in the beauty of it all there was the homeless man lying on the sidewalk. he looked like life had really beaten him up. so much to the point that he couldn't even get up to ask for help. will my donation to him change his life? probably not. but he was such a contrast to all of us who walked by and barely saw him.
here's to extending a hand to all those who need a helping hand.

last day of the year

john and i are in pasadena, ca for the college football tournament known as the rose bowl. as i am in a different city it seems like random acts of kindness present themselves at every corner. regardless of how big or small the act is i fell so good and so complete. the gift is always rewarded back to me...and in can be anything from a smile, to a thank you to a grander god bless you. amazing feeling.
so today is the last day of the year...how should i close out the year? i don't know what will present itself but i certainly know that i will remember those individuals who left this earth to early and pray for those who were left behind.
peace be with you.

kindness acts continue

so i continue on, each day thinking of some way i can express an act of kindness to remember those who were killed in newtown, connecticut. i have done everything from large tips, to surprise gifts for strangers to giving pies. but i think yesterday was the biggest. i was hired to help a recent widow sort through his deceased wife's belongings. he is 43 year old father of a 7 year old boy who lost his 42 year old wife two weeks ago. wow right? i don't think i have adequately processed this day but i know in my heart of hearts that i was the person who was meant to be there yesterday. i am thankful that i have the qualities that i have to share with someone during what i can only imagine to be the most difficult time of his life.
so i add 6 more people to my thoughts and prayers - tanya williams may you rest in peace. dave freed may you find peace during your time of morning. drake reed may you remember your mom and how much she loved you...and to haley and your two sisters - i know your best friend/soul sister tanya is looking down on you and thanking you for caring so much about her that you wanted to help dave during this time. peace be with all of you.

unwinding

fyi...this was written a while ago. and also not edited.

holy crap. went to help organize a client who recently had a baby. i helped her pre-baby and  we were able to make a good dent in the amount of stuff she has. i could never live there but it was way better than when we started. now the baby is here and it is time to clear out the room we stored a lot of stuff in. so that meant going through boxes and bins. like the last time, we again encountered the remains of mice droppings. yuck. then there was the familiar smell from the last time. the dog of the house pees in a corner of the area we were working in. the smell. actually there are two smells in the house.
the upstairs has the smell of pasta sauce cooked last week and left in the pot sitting on a counter. and then the downstairs has doggy pee pee smell with a dash of mice droppings. and then the energy of a confined space filled with boxes of stuff.
all of this means is that when i got home i went on an organzing cleaning frenzy of my own house. first thing though i took a hot shower. then i went room to room - closet to closet - reorganizing, putting stuff away and cleaning. my house already was in great shape but now it is even better.
two hours later i am now sitting on my bed, listening to the rain, watching tv and burning a scented candle.
i am back to normal again. phew. that was close.

another pie give away

i was doing laundry (again) today and saw a lady i haven't seen in a while. we don't know each other and yet we see each other to recognize each other.  today we chatted about christmas, family, god weight loss and death. so while my clothes were drying i headed back to the bakery and picked up a pie for this kind lady. oh she gave me the biggest hug. it feels great doing acts of kindness. god bless those that died in newtown. i hope they are enjoying how many positive things from big to small. it feels really good to remember them this way.

i apologize if this does not make any sense. i just got home from an emotional day and don't have the energy to re-read/edit.

decmeber 26th

when i think of kids, or rather of my own childhood i think of eating candy. as a child, and as an adult i love/d candy. so in thinking of the children who died i decided that today would be dedicated to a fun childlike act.
on christmas eve my friend jamie brought her girlfriend christina to my holiday gaterhing. christina loved loved loved the cadbury candies i had out. she said to me "oh my gosh, these are like the solid milk eggs at christmas". believe me, i know, i ate an entire bag the previous day.  neither christina nor i had the cadbury christmas chocolates. i think this may have been the first year. anway, today i went in search of another bag of they yummy chocolates for christina. thankfully walgreens had two bags left (day after christmas sale). i secretly dropped them off at jamie's office as a surprise for christina. always fun to surprise someone. this may not be a life changing act of kindness but i think it qualifies for something that is similar to a childlike experience.

december 25th

john and i spent the entire christmas day at home in our pajamas. that meant i did not encounter any people all day. so last night as we headed out to the movies i thought this will be my only chance to practice an act of kindness outside of my home. but other than going to and from the car (which luckily parked in front of the theater) there really was nothing that inspired me. so when we got home at 11pm i felt kind of panicked that i would have to skip the day.
however as i was lying in bed i was thinking about all the movies i have seen lately and through out there has been a common thread and that was ads for st. jude's children's hospital. st. jude's provides cutting edge treatment to very sick children at absolutely no cost to the family. from time to time i have thought that i would like to donate but second guess my small donation wouldn't do much. last night i felt a change of heart that the children who were shot had no chance so i needed to help those that do. my donation may not be large but i believe every dollar can make a difference. done.
i immediately got up. opened my computer. went to st. jude's site and amazingly the first donation option was what i was planning to give. i checked the box and before i knew it, i had donated to st. jude's hospital.
i am glad that in my small way i can be a part of something so large and so good.
merry christmas.

M.C.

merry christmas!!!
so enjoying this holiday morning. presents. food. family. friends. it is such a nice holiday.
my girlfriend did ask the big question...what is your big goal/plan for the year? thankfully she answered first followed by john. and then we went to talking about something else so i dodged that bullet. i have no idea and truthfully i don't feel like dealing with it. i probably have an answer but heck i don't feel thinking with that.
instead i am focusing on the random act of kindness. i mean heck today is christmas so the last person i should be thinking about is myself. i already got so many nice things from my husband and my friends. so what will it be? i have to hope it presents itself when we go to the movies since this is the only time i will be out of the house. we shall see.
merry christmas.

what to do today?

christmas eve morning is here. how can i pay tribute to those lost? i don't know what i will find along the course of my day but i hope and pray that it is something special to brighten the day of someone who needs it.

hours later....

random act presented itself. i was doing laundry and thought it would be nice to go get some kind of cake at the bakery and give it to one of the familys in the laundromat. i bought an apple crumble pie and on my way out of the store i saw a cute dog. i played with it for a bit and an older gentleman standing near by (missing some teeth, smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee) asked me if it was a  is a bird dog? i said yes that the breed was a hunter but i think this particular dog looked nervous and was probably scared of birds. he laughed and smiled. he then commented on how nice the apple crumble was in my hand. "that sure is nice looking cake". with that i handed it to him and said "it's yours. merry christmas". he responded with "really, for me? why would you give this nice cake to me"? i told him it was christmas...he liked  itand so he should have it". he then shared with me his blessings "god bless you". that was so kind of him. i enjoyed the entire experience. what a blessing it is to share the act of kindness.

i am sending my prayers to the children who died in newtown. may god bless them and their families.

random act 3

john just left for the gym and right before he left he mentioned that our friend rafi would be dropping by around noon. yep, random act  number 3 going into action.
it is cold and rainy out so what better way to be greeted than with a bowl of hot yummy yam/apple soup. i have chopped, cut and diced and now all the ingredients are in the pot.
nothing says love and kindness like a bowl of homemade soup on a rainy day in a cozy christmassy home.
i am keeping those that have passed in my heart and prayers and to my prayers are for those left behind to find comfort and peace.

kindness acts - day 2

well it turned out to be a few kindness acts for day 2.
two nights ago i was walking around the ornament area and there was a sign that said take 50 percent off and an additional 10 percent after that. you can imagine with a sale going on like that how busy it was. an older lady approached me to show me a silver angel (not knowing i totally have a connection to angels). she said "isn't this so pretty"? i agreed. she then asked a couple boys (later i learned they were strangers to her) to see if they could find another one for her. well, i took the task on and searched the entire area and eventually found a basket of angels. but when i went to find her, she was gone. so i browsed through the angel ornaments and came up with my plan for kindness act 2.
yesterday on my way to meet a client,  i  pulled into a random mcdonalds and waited for my next act.  a woman, about my age pulled up.  she looked pretty tired and not too excited about going to mcdonalds for breakfast. so when she went inside i went to action. i had the angel wrapped in tissue paper and i had written on the paper  "merry christmas and happy new year, from your guardian angel". as it had been raining her wipers were veritical on the windshield. i placed the package under the wiper with the message facing her.  i positioned myself so she couldn't see me. about 5 minutes later she was back with bags and drinks in hand. she got in the car and immediately saw the package. i have no idea what she thought of this but i hope it lifted her day in some way.
i then went to my clients house in redwood city. within an hour we had filled my suv up with donations. for the first time ever i left half way through the job to go to goodwill. as i waited at the light to get on the highway there was a old lady with a sign asking for money. yep, you know the story. i opened my wallet and gave her all the dollars that i had. i have no idea how much money i gave her but she was incredibly thankful. the giving didn't stop there.
on my return trip from goodwill i was once again stopped at the same stop light....now just on the opposite side of the street of the old lady.   a very old man also had a sign asking for money. i think perhaps these two people are together. i had given all the dollars i had to the lady so the only thing left was change. thankfully we keep lots of quarters in the car for meters. i emptied it out and gave it to him.  he also was incredibly thankful.
i hope my small acts lifted the spirts of 3 people. i don't know what i will do today but i hope it is a reflection of those small children and their teachers who are no longer with us.
my thoughts and prayers are with the families of those who died.

26 acts of kindness,,,number 1

i know that it is called 26 acts of kindness honoring the children and adults killed at the school in newtown ct but i am going to go for 28 - including the mother of the gunman and the gunman himself.
28 acts of kindness.

1st act
walked around the mall contemplating which person to help. couple times i wanted to help two different older people who were either buying coffee or something to eat but they were to quick to the draw with their money. then i spotted a guy at the corn dog booth - buying a dog, a soda and some chips. before he could even take his wallet out i had cash in hand paying the cashier. yay. i gave him a big merry christmas and he then gave me the biggest smile and a very kind "thank you"!
perfect.
i felt good. he felt good.
i like acts of kindness.
i dedicate this act to the memory of the people who died in such a horrible tragedy. may they rest in peace.

i am going to be part of the wave...

After being in Newtown, I woke up the next morning and thought about what could be done. What is the answer to this kind of national suffering?  And I remembered a moment on the edge of Darfur, when I came upon a woman who was elderly and in the hospital, recovering from burns after an attack by Janjaweed militias. She was surrounded in the hospital, by younger women carrying babies, and I asked her to tell the story of how she had suffered these terrible burns all over her body. I learned that she had tried to rescue her invalid husband when her village was attacked and her house was set on fire. She tried to carry her husband out of her house and stayed so long that the thatched roof of her house came down, the hot embers giving her 3rd degree burns.  But she was unable to save her husband. Her husband died.

Antoine Sanfuentes

Ann Curry's inspiration for #26Acts of Kindness dates back to an experience she had while reporting on the genocide in Darfur in 2007, and the joy that giving Polaroid pictures of children brought to mothers who had never held a photograph of their kids.

I remember walking out of that hospital, and the producer saw the look on my face. He said, “Are you okay?” And I said, “No.” And without even thinking, I remember going to our team van and pulling out a Polaroid camera I had brought on that trip. And then I went to all of these women with their children who were in the  courtyard of the hospital, knowing that they had never owned a photograph – ever – of their child. I went around from woman to woman, and I took pictures of them, I took pictures of them with their child, or just of their child alone – without even thinking, just snapping pictures. The first time I did it, I remember giving a photograph to a woman, and she looked at this black square with this quizzed look on her face, and I said, “Just wait one minute! Just wait one minute,” holding up one finger. And then I watched her face melt as she watched her child’s face slowly appear on that Polaroid.

It made me feel better. So I went from mother to mother to mother until I ran out of film.

After the experience in Newtown. I thought, “What if? Imagine if everyone could commit to doing one act of kindness for every one of those children killed in Newtown.” So that’s what I tweeted. And guess what? People committed. I said in my tweet, “I’m in. RT if you’re in.” Not only did they commit to 20 acts of kindness, they wanted to up it to 26 acts of kindness for every child and adult who was lost at the school. Some even debated maybe we should include the mother, who died, at 27 acts. Some debated maybe we should include the killer as well as he was struggling and in pain. What’s really remarkable to me is how many people responded. They are the ones who carried the ball. They are the ones who chose what to do. People would tweet back, “I’ve done two!” “I bought coffee for a guy in line!” “I bought toys for homeless children!” “I’ve got 18 more to go!” or “24 more to go!” – whatever number they were trying to reach.

I was inspired by them. So I started tweeting about what people were doing. Some people thought it was boasting when they would say “I’ve done this” or “I’ve done that.” I don’t think so. I think that whenever you show by example an act of kindness – big or small – something that spends a lot of money, or because you don’t have the money, something that doesn’t, all of it is welcome.

There is no judgment. I think that’s the key. If people want to do it, great. But I think that if they do it, something great happens to you.

When I was tweeting, I noticed that the number one trending topic was something like "ThingsIlikeaboutmyself."  I thought, “Well, if you do act of kindness, I bet you’ll like even more about yourself.” So that’s what I tweeted.

I know the truth: if you do good, you feel good. It’s the most selfish thing you can do. Right now, this country wants to heal. I think the only thing comforting in the face of a tragedy like this is to do something good with it if you can. Be a part of that wave.

Ann Curry, NBC news

a quick vent

as you may know there has been some construction work on my home in the past few weeks. annoying but done.
until today.
took shower this morning and noticed water kind of accumulating in tub. not really draining. wiped my wad of hair away in hopes that would work. not so much. prayed it wasn't a big deal.
later...text from my husband. "shower clogged. landlords and plumber at the house. '" ugh. that is the worst feeling for me to know that i am about to faced by all of those people when i return home.
get home. can't use shower until tomorrow. old lady landlords going on and on about how great they are making the house for us. really? if it is so great, why is there a man standing in my shower? why is there a man standing in my walk-in closet? why am i being told that we won't have shower access until tomorrow night?
fast forward a couple hours...
right now all i can think about is that i want to take a shower. the apartment is freezing cold and a hot shower would be nice. damn.
ok plan b. turn on little space heater to heat up bedroom super warm.
ok that worked. still would like a shower but it can wait.
thank god for plan b.
and thank you for letting me vent.

doing good

i know i posted the other day that i want to do something positive or as i said do something "good" as a wat to acknowledge the children and adults who were murdered last week. but i feel stuck.
when i go on line my home page is the news...right now that means photos of the smiling 6 and 7 year olds that were killed.  it makes me feel so sad, scared, helpless and a paralysis sets in. nothing i can do can make things better. it is overwhelming.
so i am stuck. i don't know what to do.

an extra week

i think i have a hard time with the transition of the end of the year and the start of all things new in the new year. as we come to the end of the year i am thinking about celebrating christmas, shopping for presents and a contemplative look at the year that is coming to an end...what worked, what didn't, what i did, what i didn't. it is a digesting process of the year. and i need some time to settle with it. and then bam it is the start of the new year.
the new year is promises of all things possible that can happen. but i need a week at least to prepare for that. i get so in to the wind down of the year that the start of the new year just throws me.
oh well the process of the year is invetibale and i can't change it. so i need to spend less time winding down and a little more getting ready.
let's see if that happens.

experiencing tragedy

This is a letter to the editor of a New Hampshire newspaper from my newphew.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Virginia Tech grad reflects on shooting

Letter to the Editor

On Friday, I found myself in the shoes of a third-grader in Connecticut, trying to make sense of humanity.

I remember the Virginia Tech shooting on a fairly regular basis. As a Nashua native, conversations about where I went to college inevitably turn to the shooting, and sometimes it still hurts no matter how natural it has become to brush it off.

I know how dark that day was for me, yet I find myself unable to comprehend the level of tragedy and horror brought by Friday, because it was experienced through the minds and eyes of children – not college-attending pseudo-adults, but children.

How do kids experience the confusion and darkness of a lockdown, or the terror-fueled escape? I watched the students run hand-in-hand away from the building and thought of what it felt like to sprint, alongside a couple friends, out of the architecture building to a friend’s truck.

We sat and waited for endless hours to hear if our friends and colleagues were all right. I imagine wondering if my favorite playmate is gone forever, or if my favorite teacher will ever smile at me again. Will these kids have that twinge of survivor’s guilt?

On any normal day, relating to an elementary school kid would be a welcome respite from whatever “being an adult” is.

Let’s hope these surviving children use the same unabashed courage they use when climbing one branch higher on the tree next to their house to remember what it’s like to be a kid.

Matthew Patrick Van Wagner

Salt Lake City, Utah

sunday

hello sunday. kind of cold and damp out. john is in donner. i have no worked booked. there is absolutely nothing written in my calendar. i am drinking coffee in bed. only two words come to mind...thank you.
some people love having a booked calendar and having their lives completely scheduld. for me i like the moment after  i have done everything on my to do list and been to every appointment listed on my calendar...the moment like now.
i am solutely beholden to nothing today. i am so going to enjoy this open feeling for a while and do absolutely nothing.
thank you sunday.

good morning saturday

yesterday a terrible tragedy occurred...a gunman entered an elementary school killing 27 people. 20 of them adults. i read the various posts about how america needs to take action...everything from gun control to provide more family ill people. there also many sharing thoughts of prayer and love for the victims and their families.  but then i read the following that really resonated with me...

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” - Fred Rogers

i want to be a helper. i don't know how or where but i want to do something to acknowledge those lost and the families suffering. i want to be a helper .

the people i meet

i feel so blessed that i have the opportunity because of my personality to meet a variety of people on a daily basis.
today while leaving the supermarket i heard a funny exchange between two older ladies. the one lady said to her friend really loud and in a funny voice...
"what kind of kind cookie is this? this is not even a chocolate chip cookie?"
that just made me giggle. instantly thought of my husband who just loves chocolate chip cookies. i mean thanksgiving for him is turkey and cookies.
well then the ladies made their way towards me so i shared with how their conversation made me smile and that my husband also loves chocolate chip cookies. that just got the two of them roaring laughing...the kind of jolly make your belly jiggle laugh. the following conversation unfolded...
lady -  "you tell your husband you met a jersey girl."
me - "you will be happy to know my husband is a jersey guy."
both ladies - huge laughts and screams of "oh my lord"
lady - "you tell him you met a girl from the elisabeth/newark area"
me  - "he's a guy from the ewing/trenton area.
more laughter
then we had a mutual "merry christmas" exchange and "have a nice day".
I LOVE THAT.
i of course immediately called my husband and shared my experience. he thought that was hysterical.
what a fun exchange between total strangers.
i just love that.
merry christmas everyone.

everything comes together.

today has been one of those days where i realized that everything i have done in my career has led me to be able to help the client i met today.

first, her home is located south of sf in redwood city. on the drive down i hit a major traffic jam and immediatley stressed about being late.  thankfully i have had two different sales jobs that required me to work in this area so i was able to find an alternate route.
second, i have been lucky to work with a variety of people from my days finding jobs for people with disabilities to a vast clientele as a yoga teacher. let's say that this person appeared a bit socially awkward and maybe a disability. i sensed her angst about meeting me and showing me where she needed help. thankfully i had a good insigiht as to how to make her feel comfortable and positive about our experience working together.  in that moment i knew that everything i have done in the past has prepared me for this exact moment. 

i have to say it felt prety good. 

i am home

these past two weeks have been a little stressful and amazingly it is now all behind me.

just moved back home. so nice.

i am incredibly grateful. sure the workers made a couple changes that i didn't like. not all of my items have been returned from cleaning. but right here, right now i am lying on my bed, watching recorded tv shows and typing away at my computer.

i am so thankful. the past is done. the future hasn't happened. the present is PERFECT. 

thank you.

wow

took yoga class last night...attempting to knocki off things from my weekly to do list.
i went to a yoga school i don't normally go to and to say i suffered through the entire class is a total  understatement. i survived but it was not pretty.
was it the heat? no. i didn't feel that hotter than any other class.
was it what i ate? i didn't really eat too much.
was i dehydrated? maybe.
what do i think it was? it was me. that stupid little inner voice telling me a bunch of different stories.
everything from the thoughts about how annoying it is that i am living at a holiday inn and not my own apartment to evaluating what the teacher was saying to how much longer do i have to be in this sweaty room. i couldn't turn off that voice.
there is really only way to solve it.
yep, i need way more yoga. noon class here i come.

monday

i got a list of things i want to do this week.

move back home. unpack. clean apartment.

prepare house for ladies dinnner party.

complete jobs for 2 differenet clients.

sign on two new clients.

work on new business idea.

send out christmas cards.

work on john's christmas gifts. 

yoga. yoga. yoga.

groceries. home cooked meals.
pick up my watches.
call my mom.

it is a random list but if i get these things done...it will have been a good week.

happy monday.

SUNDAY

right now i am in perfect bliss. john and i just got back from having coffee next door to the hotel. we chatted, laughed and enjoyed doing nothing. now  i am lying in bed watching a chick flick and playing around on my computer. and it is only 9:30. i got the entire day ahead of me. no rush to be anywhere.
this past week was hectic unsettling crazy. but that is in the past.
my present moment right here right now is perfect. sun is peaking in. this is a perfect day. no plans ahead. john and i are just going to take a walk and see where the day takes us. i love this day.
thank you. thank you. thank you.
i feel perfect.
happy sunday.
go niners.

today's thoughts

it is saturday and john and i once again have had to relocate. our apartment was to be done yesterday and at 5:30 we were notified by the landlords' attorneys that work will not be completed until monday. wow, really? so i went on line and got us a room at the holiday inn.
today is a new day. john and i are watching tv in bed. i just went out and had some coffee and in an hour i am off to work.
sure this has been inconvenient. our landladies have done nothing to help us. but hey i have a bed, a shower and i am a phone call away from room service. in the grand scheme of things, i am fortunate and blessed. i am grateful.

holidays, what?

i have been so caught up in my housing situation since thanksgiving that i really have not been in the christmas spirit. i see the lights and the trees and the decorations but it feels like i am just watching it like a movie.
the good news...i still have almost three weeks to jump on board.
maybe i'll start that monday.

222 continues

i saw a sign that read  "222 the question is the journey"?
well one of the big questions i have asked myself lately is...why is this happening?
yes, the question is the journey.
and with that i have had a light bulb moment or as oprah would say an "aha moment".
in regards to my organizing business, i have consistently said that my business model is evolving into something else. i didn't know into what but i knew this is not it. one thing was that i need to get in front of a larger audience. who is that audience? what does that mean? what am i doing in front of them?
the question is the journey.
and now i think i have got it. or at least part of it.
the idea is still in the infancy stage. i have shared this with  with my husband and a few close friends who agree that i am on to something.
so today begins the research, the planning, the fun.
the journey continues.

hmmm

so i did pretty well yesterday staying on track and not getting caught up in the little life distractions. that is until i finished work and opened my email...
many many back and forth exchanges between my neighbors, the attorneys for the landlords and my husband. then i saw the texts. and then there were voice mails. so i thought...just drive over to your place. it can't be that bad.
it was worse.
as i approached my house, i could see the door was wide open to the street (about 5 pm) and workers were buzzing in and out of our. there were also those who were just standing by holding brooms. as soon as i entered the energy went to the next level. the job was to be done at 6 and they weren't even close. seeing that the toilet and the sink sat in the hall i could pretty much guess it was not to be done anytime soon. i could all se my landlords in their car conspiring.
yep the distractions got me.
of course during this time the attorneys for the landlord were emailing my husband that the job was close to being completed. little did he know i was at the apartment and well he was wrong.  i thought my head would explode from the stress. i started taking pictures, paced around the apartment, called my husband talked to the neighbors. ugh.
basically i got all whirled up in the drama. of course the toxic fumes from the paint and the floor glue did not help.
at the witching hour fo 6 the workers continued and i said good bye and returned to my temp digs in the castro.
today is a new day. the rain is pouring. i am snuggled in a stranger's bed. so far so good. i am drama free.

tuesday

just a quick post as i have to dash out the door to work. nice.
going to keep with my own advice today...keep focusing on the things that serve me and let everything else go by.
i am ready.
happy tuesday people.

222

so i am using this post to get my mental focus back on track. i have been side tracked by the various dramas that have been popping up in my life.
1. having to leave our apartment becuase of mold and all that that means...health issues, reimbursement, have to find another place to stay
2. the temporary housing situation - owner left it a mess, power is out so no wifi and cable, owner has been awful and done nothing to get power restored and has threatened legal action when we have done everything to make this work
these are the two big ones. sure john and i have had to respond but they are just simply distractions to the things that are important in my life and i am not going to let it consume me.
john and i will keep moving forward to get things right with our apartment. i have checked us out of the temporary place and we are just going to get a hotel room. and that is that.
222...keep moving forward with the positive things in my life and not get caught up with the distractions of these things.

the fat photo

john (the husband) and i are living in a temporary apartment while our home is under contstruction. as a result we have been eating out. so today while having eggs and a bagel with cream cheese (2 days in a row) i was flipping through photos my husband took over the thanksgiving weekend in tahoe. all looked good until...the fat photo. sure it could have been the angle of the photo but there was no mistaking, it looked like i was in one of those trick mirrors that distorts your body shape...only this one made me fat. wow. as i mentioned i was feeling a bit full after the holiday weekend but wow nothing like a fat photo to put in perspective.
sure made eating the eggs and bagel difficult to swallow. thankfully it is sunday cause you know what that means...tomorrow is monday and no better day to pull it back together than starting fresh on monday. there is no way in hell i am going to feel like a stuffed bird january 1st. doesn't feel good and as i have now seen doesn't look good.
here's to cleaning it up for the next month. no fat photos for me. yuck.

conflict resolution

Conflict resolution: Definition from Answers.com

conflict resolution: the methods and process of negotiation, arbitration, and institution building which promote the peaceful ending of social conflict.

i hate conflict and will do my best to remedy a situation prior to the potential for coflict. but what if i am the one being wronged? well i want the other person to offer how to make it better. i am so not good at just asking the other party to make it right.

my husband and i have rented a temporary apartment while our home is under construction (that is another story) and when we arrived the place was shall we say not close to level of a $169 a night rental should be - trash, dishes, yucko open take out containers with fries/burger/ketchup, thong underwear on the floor and today no wifi/cable. i called the owner and she said "thanks for the feedback". well to say i was left feeling unsatisfied is the understatment of the moment. i called my friend but that just felt like retelling the story and the response was "well what do you want"? huh. good question.

i want it to be recognized that the place was left like crap and not hear the owners lame-o excuses as she didn't have enough time to make it ready. well, then why the hell did you list in the first place for yesterday if you couldn't get it ready? i want you to say your sorry. i want you to offer me a solution to make me feel not taken advantage of.
so i called the listing agent. gave them the information...even sent photos of the mess. i then contacted the owner and told her i contacted the listing agent and want a reimbursement. now they can figure it out how to make this situation right.
my take away.
don't look to others for them to say what you want to hear. conflict happens.
clearly state what didn't work/what was wrong and how it can be made right again.
there is a conflict and it is resolved.
conflict resolution.

yes my last name is wait but i don't like it

unfortunately my home has been infested with mold. yuck. end result john and i have to move today. thankfully we have the internet so i have been able to look at a variety of sites to find temporary housing. with in 5 minutes i found an apartment on airbnb. put in all the info, credit car, etc. and now i wait on the owner to accept. after a few hours she finally responded with one question..."apartment won't be ready until 6. is that ok"? i of course immediately responded and now it is up to her to just press the accept button and john and i will have secured a place. but no i am still waiting for her to accept my request.
i hate waiting.
thank you, andrea wait

is it just me?

is it really christmas time?

this may sound silly but it seems like we had thanksgiving and then bam everyone went immediately into Christmas mode. i know many people that on Sunday went out got their trees and have them completely decorated. there is a radio station in sf that is only playing Christmas music. sure the holidays are great but come on it is not even December. i understand the retail mark has to get a jump on shopping but everyone else? i don't understand.
give me two weeks and i will be on board but not today. heck i am still digesting the stuffing, mashed potatoes and chocolate pie.

do you have unresolved conflicts with others?

i have a couple of unresolved issues with people who have been in my life. i am wondering do i do something to make everything ok or do nothing.
my gut, my head and my heart tell me to just let them be. leave those issues alone and keep moving forward with my life. it is not necessary for me to have everything perfect with every person. i can let go of trying to control those areas that i really have no control over...basically what people think of me! and i need to let go of my ego that tries to convince me that i have the power to make everything ok.  even if i make the attempts, it doesn't mean the outcome will be what i am trying to achieve.
it's a hard one for me. the need to be liked. the desire to not have conflict. amazing at 47 years old i am still faced with the challenges had as a teenager. but at least now i can let go of some of that angst and just accept the situations for what they are. it is not important of what others think of me. and it is way more important that i take care of myself.
it is a hard lesson learned that i keep relearning.

makes me feel good

john (my husband) and i just hosted thanksgiving for 8 people in the mountains. it was super fun and required quite a bit of work. from getting the house ready for the guests, to making sure there is enough food/drinks to eventually cleaning up and getting out at the end. thankfully everyone had a wonderful time.
now the weekend is over and i am just flipping through the morning emails. and voila the best email of all has arrived. my husband has sent an email out thanking everyone for coming to our home. and...a special shout out to me.  i can't tell you how good that makes me feel. he wrote that i made the environment warm and welcoming for everyone. that is everything to me.  making people feel good. thank you john for acknowledging me and reminding me about what is important.
i am blessed. thank you.
happy holidays people.

the monday after the holiday

wow what a holiday weekend that was. so fun.
but i have to admit the waistband on my jeans is feeling a tad bit tight.
so?
first, put on the yoga pants with no button or zip in front.
second, i gotta pull myself back together. sure it was super fun eating pies and cookies and raising toast but after a while i crave my regular routine of fruits and vegies.
so i have a plan to kick start myself back into my routine.
i need to up my yoga class intake and decrease my caloric intake.
i think that sounds doable. less pie.more yoga.
i am so ready.

happy holidays.

update

well it is saturday night...bring the weekend to a close. i just checked back at my to do list on what i want to get done and...i would give myself an A. i have a couple things I still want to do but for the most part i knocked it out of the ballpark. i feel pretty good about it all. and of course i still have all day tomorrow.
i know what i gotta do.

the weekend/the holiday

i have to say this has been a successful thanksgiving holiday at the donner house...so far.
sure the dogs have not necessarily gotten along but other than that we adults are in our groove. walks to the park. meals consumed. hot tubbing. pool playing. dog playing. everyone doing their thing when they want to. there's a good flow here.
thank goodness. as the hostess bringing all of this together with all of the personalities can be kind of stressful. in fact right now is the first time that i am really just sitting down on the couch and relaxing with out feeling on. in fact it is almost 1pm and i am still in my pjs. over the past 4 days there has been beds to be set up, meals to be made, dishes to be washed. it's been an on going thing which is fun but exhausting. and on top of that...i think everyone is having a good time. i certainly can be thankful for that.
most of all i am thankful for my husband john who is my perfect team mate. when i go, go, go he can relax and play and then when i crash and burn (like right now) he is busy cleaning up around the kitchen. i am so incredibly thankful for this man in my life.
happy saturday people - hope you don't feel too full.

women, men and food

i went out with a former yoga student now friend for dinner a few days ago. we were talking about life choices that we make and that led us to the topic of dieting and weight. she shared that she been on some kind of diet her entire life. she has tried them all. now when i look at her i see a petite women with a small figure. she on the other hand thinks she needs to lose 20 pounds. wow, that is a lot of weight for a small person. she thinks she just carries her weight well.  at every meal she asks makes a choice to be what she says, good or bad.  i wonder if most women think about. well i already know we are different then men as i doubt men even talk about dieting and weight when they get together.  how many men even think about this topic.  i don't know the answer i just know about the men in my life.

my husband on occasion will say he wants to lose weight and will have a plan for it but i don't think he sits down at a meal and thinks about if he is going to be good or bad. i certainly don't remember my brothers or my father ever talking about weight. my mom would on occasion talk about my dad's stomach but when he sat down at a meal he never once said oh i am not going to eat that tonight. whatever was served he ate and then some. food was on the table and they ate.

how do we gals get like this?

things i would like to accomplish over this holiday weekend

just off the top of my head...
have some real meals that my guests enjoy (i am normally not a big cook so i never know how this will turn out)
not super stuff myself on things
and if i am feeling that way getting in some kind of movement to at least feel ok with the above
perhaps a bikram class (kind of tentative about this as i never know what to expect from taking class up here - having to do with the school and the level of my current yoga class...i have only taken one class this month)
take yoga at squaw - the lulu lemon thing
knit the scarf for wickie
read books, magazine, kindle
keep the flow fun for everyone at the house
gotta call my mom
be grateful. be thankful. and do those two things again.
make john laugh.
check out danielle's emails
look into pinterest (i know work things but in a good way)
nice brisk walk
play with the two dogs
watch little bit - macy's day parade, national dog show
hot tub
pool, ping pong
running up and down the stairs
i think those are all doable
happy thanksgiving.

st. anthony...can you help me find something?

O Holy St. Anthony, gentlest of Saints, your love for God 

and Charity for His creatures made you worthy, when on
earth, to possess miraculous powers. Miracles waited on
your word, which you were ever ready to speak for those in
trouble or anxiety. Encouraged by this thought, I implore
of you to obtain for me my necklace that was a gift from Rebecca. 

O gentle and loving St. Anthony, whose heart was ever full 

of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the 

The answer to my prayer may require a miracle. Even so, you are the saint of Miracles.
Sweet Infant Jesus, who loved to be folded in your arms, and
the gratitude of my heart will ever be yours.
Thank you.

ahhhh

saturday night.

john's in tahoe.

i 'm flying solo in sf.

so what does this mean for a 47 year old gal on a rainy saturday night?

chinese food in bed.

lifetime christmas movies on tv.

happy place.

happy happy place.

saturday night's alright by me.

manifest

someone recently told me i am good at manifesting what i want.
here goes...
coffee.
i prepared the coffee machine so all my husband needs to do is go push the on button.
he is walking around.
just went outside.
back in now.
come on - push that button.
maybe if i just am still. close my eyes and evision it.
here we go again.
nada.
he walked down the hall but stopped in the kitchen.
close but not close enough.
let me try again.
i am going to evision it .
he is not drinking coffee this week so this is not on his list of morning things.
but maybe he will think of me.
he's in the kitchen. he can do it. i am waiting for that coffee machine sound.
i may have to get out of bed to do it. i don't want to.
come on john. push that button.
ok i am going to do a count down from 60 in my mind.
nothing.
ok time to make it happen for myself.

happy monday people.

saturday night's alrigjht by me

john's in tahoe.
i 'm flying solo in sf.
so what does this mean for a 47 year old gal on a rainy saturday night?
chinese food in bed.
lifetime christmas movies on tv.
happy place.
happy happy place.

friday turned out to be pretty nice.

ended the work week on such a great note. yesterday i met with my yoga student danielle who laid out a business marketing plan...by brand, areas to branch out in, social media and how to use them, marketing campaigns, and so much more. wow, i got some good ideas. and she is going to stay in regular contact to help me out.
two hours later i was off to the twilight movie. glad to have seen it early. pretty people. fun saga. kind of happy it is over.
ended the day meeting a otential client. god hired. start after thanksgiving. how nice to go into the holiday knowing i have booked work.
i have much to be thankful for.  thank you.
oh and the picture? just a reminder of a great visit john and i had with his mom cis.
happy saturday.
namaste.

meant to be

this morning, on his way out the door, my husband said he loves reading my reviews on yelp and is so happy that i have really found my calling. that gave me such a good feeling. then immediately after that i got the following email.

I have been reading all the fabulous reviews of your service and I think you may be just what I need. I am a stay at home mom who suffers from chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia with a little depression sprinkled on top. I am also a major treasure hunter/thrifter (which doesn't help my situation). Since I've gotten sick, I have not been able to manage the "stuff" as effectively and our house is unmanageable, tripping over things, etc. not only can I not manage it day to day like this, but i'm concerned about what it's teaching the kids. Basically, I want to drastically scale down so that it is more manageable on a day to day basis and create organize what is left. I have attempted this task on many occasions and only get so far before it becomes just too overwhelming. Honestly, I've also been too embarrassed by our mess to reach out for help

you can feel the person's pain and desire for a different life.

so today i get to meet her and hopefully get her back on the road to a somewhat organized/decluttered life. this is so up my alley. i am lucky to get to do what i do.

happy friday.

it is that time of year

as we approach the holidays and the nearing of the end of the year, it can bring on a time of reflection of what has passed. and i am so grateful for the life i have but that really is made because of the people in it. thank you. i am loved and i love you right back. these are the people that come to mind who have really supported me this past year. one more time. thank you.

john
mom
cis
sam
rebecca
my clients - both in the organizing and in the yoga world
prana del mar and the amazing staff
katite and raj
katherine and the riley family
the entire pinney family
my yoga guests
the president and the first lady
yoga and all the people connected to yoga - teachers, students...so many have been so supportive of me
strangers who smile back when i smile at them
the fun and interesting people i meet while doing laundry
liz, anthony, poet and kingston
susan
my cousin jp
nicoll
rafi
the ladies who work at walgreens on lombard st.
eric and tom at peets coffee
some of the people i meet while doing laundry
people with dogs who let me pet them
the ladies at both nail salons on chestnut and on stanyan
me

it is because of these people that i get up every day to face the world. i am so grateful.
love, andrea

little by little

went to meet my ongoing and currently only client today. always nice to have her business but in the back of my head i thought, starting my own business is tough. i should just go and get a regular job with a regular pay check and regular benefits. blah. blah. blah.
but then the universe started to answer my request for help...

- after 3 hours of relatively easy work, my client asked would it be ok to book me for two appointments in the same week.
- checked my email and i got an inquiry about helping someone pack up a home for moving.
- on Facebook a former yoga student messaged me that she had been thinking about my organizing business and had some ideas to market me for new business. we are meeting on friday to discuss them. she also posted a link to my yelp page and shared with her fb friends that if someone needed help organizing that i was the person to go to!

it is hard to keep the faith but i know i must.
little by little the work will come.

as i was just reading this an email came in from a yoga student that attended the maui retreat  in march. he wants to go to another retreat and wanted suggestions. yeah one, ME! now i don't know if he will come to mind but hey it sure felt good to see that email this morning.

wow, i know i was given my last name "WAIT" for a reason. sometimes i just have to wait.
happy wednesday people.

food

i just realized that i have not written about food experiments, supplements or any of my dieting thoughts in a while. so today is the day.
i have begun taking the supplements i wrote about i think last week. this is the first time i really have made an effort to take vitamins on a regular basis. so far so good on that front. don't feel different but i suspect that must take time. now part of the supplements program is that i don't have to change my diet in order to lose weight. i am putting that theory to the test.
in the past couple of weeks i have had a lot going on...house guests to entertain, a husband's birthday to celebrate, halloween...awe all know what that means. yes, eating more and eating more of the foods i don't typically eat.
today i am back to my norm. at this very moment i am enjoying a home cooked meal of eggs and avocado and...a delicious beet juice prepared by my husband. delish. yes, this works better for me but boy i had fun.
happy tuesday.

back to the drawing board

it is monday morning, 7:14 a.m. most people are performing their morning ritual getting ready for work. me? i am wondering where my next jobs are coming from and how am i going to get them. now if i had no work scheduled today and had future jobs lines up then i could just take this as a doing my chores kind of day - clean the house, do the laundry, etc. but this week is different. i have completed all my jobs and only have one appointment set with an ongoing client. ugh.
stay positive. keep the faith.
happy monday people.

the power of communication

in the last couple days i have come across two different scenarios that have shown me how important clear communication is in the overall dynamics of a relationship. 

in the first scenario, i chose to not say anything about a situation so as to protect an individual from judgement of others. the end result was i instead have been judged and incorrectly i may add.

in the second scenario, i chose to what i thought was clearly communicate my intention only to find that the other person had a completely different understanding of the situation. i assumed they understood what i was saying and i was wrong. 

so that is my goal for this week ahead...i am going to work on my communicating skills. say what i mean. mean what i say. that sounds like a good place to start. 

days in a row

today brings to an end a consecutive row of organizing work days.
as each job and client is different i tend to experience a variety of emotions.
1. i am thrilled that someone has found me.
2. i am relieved i can make money.
3. i am nervous about meeting them.
4. i hope i know what i am doing.
5. i am nervous about taking on the job and doing it well.
6. i am so tired after this organizing session.
7. i hope i can get this all done.
8. i am so good.
9. wow this place looks good.
10. damn i am too good. i finished that job too fast.
11. oh god who is going to be my next client?

just got back from my morning job. wham bam done. where do i fall on my list? #11. besides my one on going client, i have completed everyone of my jobs. i need all new clients.
ok, time for me to keep the faith and believe new jobs will come. in the meantime it is time to focus on my websites, getting a newsletter together and getting my next year's retreat off the ground.

but for now...time to enjoy this pretty day.
happy saturday.

fun day friday

i don't have much to say on this pretty friday morning.
working today. actually worked yesterday and will work tomorrow. that feels good.
it's friday. that is always good.
got plans to go to the movies with my husband
vegetable box came today. john mumbled something about getting a different box company while he was going through this weeks vegetable assortment.
that is pretty much the extent of my morning thoughts.
happy friday.

seriously

lately i keep thinking of a something my dad used to say to me. he said "you never complain".
and today i was all set to go into a giant rant about family and relationships and things being unfair but thankfully my husband talked me off the ledge. so unimportant.
instead i am going to revel in the enjoyment of completing an awesome job for a young family.
nothing like doing something you enjoy and doing something you love to turn that attitude around.
ahhh....i feel much better.
thank you to my husband.
thank you to rebecca.
thank you to samantha.
and thank you to nicoll - not only for helping me do a great job today but for being a comforting ear.
i am going to enjoy this feeling.
namaste.

election day

i am writing this post on the morning of election day.
i am watching the news and the bobble heads are stressing me out.
they are acting as if romney will clearly win.
i hope president obama wins the race.
when i go to post this tomorrow...
i hope the president will remain in office.
time to turn off the tv and start the day.

well we all know how that turned out.
obama won.
phew.

i am rethinking a post

i have a caveat to saturday's post about my inability to keep up a good beauty regiment. there is an exception. every once in a while i get in a groove of wanting to look good. this theory holds true for manicures as well. i basically get in a groove of a beauty maintenance. i keep the regiment going for a while and then i hit the wall and i'm back to my good old self. of course i always look somewhat put together but there is definitely a difference between the "polished" andrea and the "day to day" andrea.
today's look - day to day andrea.

they have arrived

the supplements that aid in weight loss have arrived. no extra exercise. no change in diet. just take these supplements and the weight will come off. they are made from plants and berries and are said to be important to our overall health...everything from acai to raspberries.
we shall see...
of course knowing that this was going to start on monday, i used the weekend to go to town...candy, cake, more candy. you get the idea.
i have now just stepped on the scale and now my starting weight.
let the games begin...60 days.
i will keep you posted.

now 2 hours later since original post...
i am so putting this plan to the test...i started off day one with two pieces of cake. hey they said "you don't have to change your diet"!
secondly, i just looked up when next season of biggest loser starts (my friend rebecca has been wondering when that would be so i finally just looked at their website for her) and the date is january 6 which i believe is in about 60 days from now. that is funny to me.

ok happy monday people.

it really takes a small amount of effort

this past weekend i have had my mother in law visiting and my husband's birthday. this means going out and about doing fun things in fun places. and as a result i am compelled to make an effort at improving my daily appearance. truthfully it doesn't take much. a wash and dry of the hair. a pretty routine formula of make-up. and a pulled together outfit. voila...i do look better. and from that i get compliments "wow, you look great". "your skin looks so nice". and i agree. i do look better.
however the bottom line is i am lazy in regards to that particular effort. it really only comes out on special occasions. and my husband is that special occasion.
tomorrow it is back to the hair in the ponytail/bun/not sure what to call it hairstyle. leftover black eye liner make up will hang around the eyes. and i will pretty much wear the same outfit for the next 3-4 days. oh and the hair is lucky if it gets washed again by thursday.
but for this sunny sunday. i look pretty oh so pretty...
happy birthday to my favorite husband.

funny thing about feeling good

it is typically only when we feel like crap that we notice how we feel.
but for right this very moment i am oh so grateful to feel normal. no headache. no stomach ache. no digestive problems. just everything moving along smoothly.
thank you.

i like it when

i like having a home environment that looks neat and pretty.
first this means that every surface of the house needs to be cleaned from floor to counter top in every room of the house.
definitely all trash cans are emptied.
then we must have all my pretty things perfectly placed in their perfect spots.
definitely folded clean towels hanging in the bathroom.
the perfect set is now staged.
finally add a dash of pretty lights and the scent of a yummy burning candle.
ahhhhh...heaven.

the drop by

i don't do well with the drop by visitor. sure there are a few friends (sam, rebecca, elena) who that rule doesn't apply to but for everyone else i need a little warning. i need the option to say "now is not a good time and let's pick another day". another option...instead of dropping by my place why don't you invite people to your place?
typically when i'm in my house i have a list of things i like to do. if that list is done, well even more of a reason to not want people over. selfish? probably.
you would think having 4 older siblings that i could go with the flow a little more easily. nope.  in fact i am the youngest and am separated from my siblings by several years...3, 6, 7 and 8 years. by the time i was 14 i was the only kid left at home. hmmm is this the reason? i don't know. am i going to change? probably not.
time for me to retreat to my girl cave. good night.

losing weight

so all the talk shows are featuring segments on losing weight...from dr. oz to the view and every one in between. they all seem to be plugging the same products. and the big plus is they say you don't have to change what you eat nor do you have to exercise. hmmm really? each "expert"calls them super foods.
ok i'm game. i am going to buy 4 of the supplements and put them to the test. i will get a 60 day supply. i will keep you posted.
now i am off to the store...time get candy for the kiddies.
happy halloween.

holy C-R-A-P

it is going to be a seriously long time before i even consider drinking alcohol again.
that session did me in.
it has take a full 48 hours to even being close to feeling normal again.
i lost two days.
unacceptable.
this ill feeling was self inflicted.
i have learned that lesson.
i am ready to join the living.
namaste.

i lost sunday

i went out with my girlfriends saturday night and as a result i lost yesterday...how? with a big fat ugly hangover.
alcohol is not a go to thing for me. it does not occur in my regular life. so when you get a couple drinks in me, my sense of judgement and reality go right out the window. the poison of choice was red bull and vodka. it got so bad that sunday morning i was dry heaving in my friend's bathroom. i know pretty picture right? we are now two days later. the headache continues although thankfully is backing off. the digestive system is still re-booting itself back to normal. i am on the mend. thank you god. that is not going to happen to me again for a long time.
the take away as i always know. me and alcohol are not a good mix. the east coast is getting hit by hurricane sandy. thankfully my hurricane is passing.
sobriety and me...perfect together.

random thoughts

random thoughts on a pretty saturday morning.

1. maybe i should have a them set for each day i write i.e. saturday random thoughts day, sunday ideas for the week, monday health tips. would this make it easier to write every day?
2. i am wearing my more fitted pair of jeans today and have gotten several compliments before 8 am that i look great. i guess i do wear my clothes slightly large.
3. giants are in the world series. glad i have my orange and black on. go giants.
4. the guy sitting outside next to me at peet's coffee is moving all the furniture around. i remember him as always sitting in the corner. oh wait the guy who was at this dude's normal spot just got up and furniture mover has relocated there. he also rearranged all the chairs in his view. ADD?
5. my bills this month have exceeded the amount i brought in. if only it could be that i was shopping a lot. nope i had a few people cancel for my retreat and i had to refund money. hate that.
6. john's mom is coming to town for a week. i need to clean the house, buy groceries, cook meals in advance.
7. i hope obama wins the election.
8. john's birthday is coming up. i have been looking at all sorts of things for gifts and just can't figure out the right thing. self inflicted pressure. i hate that.
9. i think my organizing business is evolving into something else. what?
10. if i am going to have successful yoga retreats, i need to teach some yoga classes locally in sf. but maybe i branch out beyond the bikram schools. yttp? yoga tree?
11. i gotta start working on my websites, my newsletters.

in just a matter of a few minutes the above spewed out of my. enough. i think i need to sit back, enjoy drinking my coffee and this very pretty morning.

namaste.

working for your money

i hate the stress of making money.
i like the stress of working.
huh?
the money thing is just an on going pain in the neck. one client comes and you make money. woo hoo. and then one client cancels and you lose money.
off to work.
today is a good day.

focusing on food

i used to think that if i just ate whatever i wanted with out thinking too much about it, it meant that i had a good connection to my overall health and a non-obsession with my diet. i never wanted to be a person who was always on a diet. but as i get older i am learning the importance of paying attention to what i eat. basically making sure i get what i need for good health and enjoying those choices. the idea of just winging it doesn't work for me. because when i don't pay attention i find myself having huge swings from starving to stuffed. there is no normal happy middle. funny....took me 47 years to figure that one out.

am i having a mid life crisis?

over the past month i have had a variety of negative thoughts running through my head...everything from  "i am a failure in my businesses" to "i am old and ugly". perhaps it has to do that i work for myself. i am my boss, my employee and my co-worker.  sure i have interaction with my clients and they rave about my work but it is different than when you actually work with other people. sometimes i think i would have a better perspective if i worked with other people. for one thing i would hear about the their daily woes. nothing like a good reality check than hearing about someone else's life.
but that is not my path. at least for now. i know that i can not dwell in this stew of my own making and i need to just keep moving ahead regardless of what my brain and my eyes are telling me. ok back to reality. happy wednesday.

is it that time of year again?

i was just thinking about resolutions that people make at the start of the year. of course the number one resolution seems to be lose weight. so at what time of the year do we start gaining all the weight we want to lose january 1? right now. that time between halloween and december 31st. it starts with the halloween candy for trick or treaters and ends with holiday cookies at christmas.
i live in an area where you get maybe a handful of kids coming to get candy. but i am still compelled every year to get a bag of some kind of chocolate gooey candy thing.  who is this candy real for? me and my husband.
following halloween we then move on to my husband's birthday quickly followed by the national food fest also known as thanksgiving - this brings us merrily along to holiday parties and of course the ultimate holiday, christmas. i can remember one christmas week at my mother in law's home where i think i ate chocolate chips (many of them) every day throughout out the day!
so if i don't want to join the new year's resolution weight loss group, i need to start paying attention to what i eat right now....everything in moderation.
ok, i am off to yoga class.

ever feel ugly?

i have been going through a case of the uglies lately. it could have to do with the fact that i just spent a week on the beach with a woman 20 years younger who is stunningly gorgeous.
what do my uglies look like? grey hair that i can't decide whether to keep or color. brown age spots on my forehead, knitted lines between my brows. one word...old.
sure i can say i look good for my age but i want to just look good and leave out the "for my age". yes, this is a stupid vain ridiculous post.
next.

hello tuesday

good  morning tuesday. i am looking at my list of things to do and the first item on the list is to blog. but what if i have nothing to say? what if i have no profound thoughts? yep, the pretty much sums up what my tuesday morning at 7:51 looks like. hmmm.
ok, well plan b just focus on what you want to accomplish today. take a yoga class. eat a few healthy meals. have a few laughs. call my mom. contact housing cleaning service to come clean my apartment. pretty regular normal day.
happy tuesday people. hopefully tomorrow i will have something to talk about.

gotta get back on track

home from vacation and right back into work. that meant a full day today organizing a home. 8 hours. no food. so that means i just ate one big meal that will cover the entire day. not good.
ok, tomorrow i promise myself i am back to my regular routine and that means starting with breakfast.

can't eat that

i never could understand when older people would eat a few bites of food on their plate and say then couldn't eat anymore..especially foods that used to be treats like ice cream or cake n. how was this possible? i really didn't believe it...until now.
john and i got home from vacation last night and went out to a late night diner for a bite to eat. as i was in still in vacation mode i thought yeah i am going to have fun. i ordered grilled cheese, fries, and a chocolate milk shake. now mind you i started the meal consuming the shake so that pushed me over the edge but still...
i had consumed half of the shake, half of the grilled cheese and a handful of fries when i hit the wall. i could eat no more. i no longer wanted anymore. i don't think that has ever happened to me before. even if i felt full i still ate. these are fav comfort foods to me and i just stopped.
oh my gosh the strange syndrome has hit me too. well if seeing is believing i can now say I BELIEVE.
time for my morning coffee to move that stuff along.
happy sunday.

what did we do before technology?

so paper back books are up one on the digital age vs old school age challenge. i am in currently in mexico for my yoga retreat and have read all the books i downloaded on to my kindle. and now...my kindle will not allow me to connect to amazon to download a book. arch. turns out i have a 2nd generation that does not connect via wifi but instead by cell. no cell range here or spotty at best.  for now old school wins.

update...thank goodness technology is smarter than me. i can download the novel via wifi to my computer and then using a usb cable i can add the book to my cable.
yay!

phew...back in business.

this is not going to be easy

we all know that saying and doing are two totally different things. recently i posted that i was going to cut out artificial sweeteners - mainly splenda in my coffee and trident gum. and of course when i wrote that i had that kind of superior thought in my mind that i have already accomplished that. ha ha ha. that is funny.
now i am in mexico and brought a supply of splenda thinking this would be the last of it and by the time i returned home i would be off the stuff. quickly i forgot that when coffee is readily at hand like it is here at the retreat center i am consuming way more than at home and with that my supply of splenda. i just looked at my stash and realized it is getting low. i have 4 more days to go so i need to really spread it out to last. yeah, that is not the thought process of a person who has kicked the habit. darn it. i love to think of myself as this super power that can get through anything and yet this little yellow packet of poison is my achilles heel . i hate that.
as for the gum, well i don't have any with me so that is out of the question...but i must confess i miss it.
when i get home i better find that truvia stuff people keep telling me about as well as the healthy kind of gum. unlike smoking cigarettes this fake sugar thing is not going to be an easy habit to kick.
so for now i am still on the splenda crack!

ideas are flowing

i have really taken the to the idea that i need to be "open minded" and the universe will tell me what to do.
and the universe told me a couple things recently that i don't want to forget.
1. make a website that provides and umbrella to my different businesses. my first site was www.andreawait.com. sure it says my name but it doesn't tell what i do. then i thought well all my business have something to do with me...www.withandrea.com. . now being in mexico i am reminded of phrase that my friend rafi coined...what would andrea say? i am taking that one step further...what would andrea do? and to simplify that www.wwad.com. playing with that in my mind.
2. i should do a newsletter which could incorporate all of the above...organizing tips, yoga retreat info, yoga tips, vegetarian recipes...keeping if fun and light. i have played with writing - this blog, the outline of a book but who am i kidding? i am not a natural writer and yet i have things to say. newsletter, yeah that sounds right.

hmmm...yep, the ideas are flowing.
namaste.

support system

as the youngest of five, i took it upon myself that when ever i attempted to learn something new or was faced by a challenging situation i would handle it out on my own. now like any other family growing up i found there were a variety of pressures that i witnessed. as a result i decided early on that i didn't want to add to those stresses with my own little problems. i would take care of myself. i can still hear in my head my mother saying "sometimes people just want to help you out". that statement unfortunately was usually followed by an exchange of words that included anger and tears. that deepened the desire of mine to hide any problems i may have been struggling with. i perfected this pattern over the last 47 years of my life. slowly and i will say that again, slowly i have learned that this approach does not serve me nor the people who love me.
having been in the process over attempting to launch two business - and yes mostly i have done this on my own - i have that every now and again i get hit hard with a variety of challenges and need help. from my husband and my two friends rebecca and samantha i have gotten practical advice (setting up websites, advertising) to emotional support (no andrea you are not a loser) which has been key for my moving forward. i am sure i will continue to "do it on my own" but i am grateful to them when i need to be picked up and set back on my path.

four letter word changed my life

i love my style of vacation!
i am getting so excited to head to mexico for my yoga retreat. woo hoo. sun, beach, pool, massage, awesome people, yoga, and incredibly tasty healthy chef prepared meals.
yoga. thank you.

expectations

i want to stop being so hard on myself and to start applauding myself.
when i do, plan, work something. i set a standard of expectations for the results. now when it doesn't turn out to the level i expect i feel like a complete failure. and when i actually meet or even exceed that expectation i rarely acknowledge it.
i have to let go of the idea that i can control everything including the outcome of a situation. i can only do my best and that is more than enough...but gosh sometimes that is hard to do.

sheep

counting sheep didn't work. instead i remembered to just be in the present moment. focus on what is happening now. so when i couldn't sleep i just looked at the present moment. relaxing in bed. slowing breathing down. and voila...sleep.

worry part 2

well i liked the idea of focusing on yoga postures when is started to spin worries in my mind before sleep...but...it didn't work. why? well yoga postures made me think about yoga which made me think about my retreat and then my mind was off and running on all the worries associated with that.
i am thinking that must be how the idea of counting sheep came in to play as it probably doesn't connect to any of our worries.
i will try that one tonight and get back to you on it.

artificial sweeteners

home sick on monday and was watching dr. oz show on artificial sweeteners. i have always known that  they are not good for me but wasn't aware of the immediate impact. i have splenda in my coffee and i chew trident gum. didn't seem to terrible until i watched the show.  this is just one side effect.

Could They Be Causing My Bathroom Troubles?
Artificial sweeteners can cause you to go to the bathroom more often. They may cause the muscles in your bladder to become hyperactive – forcing you to urinate more frequently. Even one packet might be enough to cause you to urinate more frequently than normal. This can eventually wear out the bladder, increasing your risk for urinary tract infections and urge incontinence.

since i started drinking coffee 7 years ago i found that i go to the bathroom a lot at night. i thought it had to do with the fact that i was in my 40s. now i am thinking differently.

so...this is my last month on this stuff. the weening process starts now. wish me luck. 

worry

do you worry about different scenarios of potential problems in your mind? i do and i find it super exhausting. so for this week i am going to make a conscious choice to not do that. anytime i start whirling around one in my head (usually happens when i am trying to go to sleep) i am going to stop and picture myself doing a yoga posture. i will start with the first one in the bikram series and go from there.
i will report back on how i do.

getting older

one of the things i like so much about getting older is the freedom to be myself and not worry how i look to others. yesterday, my husband john and i took in some of the events that were happening in sf. happily we decided to set off on foot rather than even attempt dealing with traffic and parking. that meant searing sneakers, t-shirts, basically comfortable clothes. along the way we passed many people that were also taking in the events of the day. and the one thing i noticed over and over was how the young women looked so stylish and put together. normally that would make me feel like a schlump. but today no way. i kept looking at the shoes - pretty but so no meant for all the walking that was being done to the different locations. so i just settled back into my sneakers, enjoyed the views of the jets and the boats and thought...yep, this getting older part works for me.
happy sunday people.